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[11 Nov 2007|10:29pm] |
i just dont feel that "connection" with anyone anymore.
where are the sparks!
i miss my heart beating fast.
i miss that nervous feeling.
i miss caring about someone.
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[14 Sep 2007|12:29am] |
ugh.
please send the 'perfect guy' my way.
i'm so sick of this.
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[10 Sep 2007|06:52pm] |
This is me...letting you go.
Because I have to.
It's way past time.
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[04 Sep 2007|12:12am] |
i am ready for something solid.
=[
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[24 Jan 2007|01:35am] |
on the ride home you sat in my lap and held my hand and we sang every song that came on. and we never left eachothers eyes. i kissed you and i never felt lips like those i never fucking help a hand that fit like that and your eyes just fucking hit my soul. and i knew in that one moment, all time stoped as those songs feel from my lips that this was it, you were the one. it was all over. my search was done. this was my life looking back at me and smiling. and god damn it i would give my whole life to go back and ride that same ride one last time. you dont know the emotions that were rushing through me and that was the first time i ever said i love and you ment ever fucking letter of it
what do you say to that.
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[07 Jan 2007|11:49pm] |
All I know is that you're so nice,
You're the nicest thing I've seen.
I wish that we could give it a go,
See if we could be something.
I wish I was your favorite girl,
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world.
I wish I was your favorite smile,
I wish the way that I dressed was your favorite kind of style.
I wish you couldn't figure me out,
But you always wanna know what I was about.
I wish you'd hold my hand when I was upset,
I wish you'd never forget the look on my face when we first met.
I wish you had a favorite beauty spot that you loved secretly,
'Cos it was on a hidden bit that nobody else could see.
Basically, I wish that you loved me,
I wish that you needed me,
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars, actually I meant three.
I wish that without me your heart would break,
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake.
I wish that without me you couldn't eat,
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep.
All i know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen;
I wish that we could see if we could be something
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[13 Dec 2006|05:16pm] |
Don't you dare sleep with someone you don't know.
They'll feel it in the back of their throat.
We know I can't construct a poem,
Cause words like girls get bored and run
C'est la vie, I say "I've got so many better things"
I've got nothing, you should see me,
I smoke myself to sleep.
And blame postmodern things I can't relate,
Like summer camp and coastal states.
Like alcohol and coffee beans.
Dance floors and magazines.
I think its safe to say I've only got myself to blame
But boys in swooping haircuts are bringing me down,
Taking pictures of themselves.
And so I walk the web in search of love,
But always seem to end up stuck.
I'm finding flaws in everyone.
I've reached the point where all I want,
Is to sleep around in hopes that I will catch back up.
We are parallel lines we’re running in circles,
We're never meant to cross.
I'm at a loss, you were my tangerine,
My pussycat, my trampoline.
Now all I get are wincing cheeks,
And dog problems, I signed a lease.
Thinking my heart belonged at 93rd and park.
Instead I broke a girl’s heart,
And flew back to Phoenix to finish the year as it started.
Can you hear me?
Are you listening?
This is the sound of my heart breaking.
And I hope its entertaining,
Cause for me it’s a bitch.
Was it worth it?
When you slept with him?
Did you get it all out of your system?
I am a man
Holding it all
I couldn’t breath
Comming across
I didn’t know
I couldn’t give up
B is for believing you; always be here for me.
E is for everything, even when we see it though.
C, c is for seeing through you, you are a fake, which brings me to
A because, because, you always run away.
I never finish phrases, I misspell.
Open arms are prison cells.
When I said, "I hate what I've become"
I lied, I hated who I was.
So when you start to wonder 'bout the pain in my throat,
Then don't you ever, no never, ever, sleep with someone you don't know.
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[20 Nov 2006|08:12pm] |
My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away
But every now and then you come to mind
Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game
But when your name was called, you found a place to hide
When you knew that I was always on your side
Well everything was easy then, so sweet and innocent
But your demons and your angels reappeared
Leavin' all the traces of the man you thought you'd be
Leavin' me with no place left to go from here
Leavin' me so many questions all these years
But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
This isn't how it's really meant to be
No it isn't how it's really meant to be
Well they say that love is in the air, but never is it clear,
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away
And I'm left to carry on and wonder why
Even through it all, I'm always on your side
But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are we left to wonder, all alone, eternally
But is this how it's really meant to be
No is it how it's really meant to be
Well if they say that love is in the air, never is it clear
How to pull it close and make it stay
If butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away
Leavin' me to carry on and wonder why
Was it you that kept me wondering through this life
When you know that I was always on your side
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[06 Nov 2006|06:08pm] |
Hate is a strong word,
but i really, really, really don't like you.
Now that it's over
I don't even know what I liked about you.
Brought you around,
and you just brought me down.
Hate is a strong word,
but I really, really, really, really, really, don't like you.
I really, really, don't like you...
Thought that everything was perfect,
Isn't that how it's supposed to be?
Thought you thought that I was worth it,
Now I think a little differently.
All i wanted was your
Love, love, love, love, love, love.
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[26 Oct 2006|02:49am] |
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Hate is a strong word, but I really really really dont like you.
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[25 Oct 2006|06:07pm] |
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"this is the price you pay for loss of control"
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[24 Oct 2006|01:04am] |
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This is the first day of my life ...
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[24 Sep 2006|10:10pm] |
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They say that your first true love will hurt you so bad that it's unbelievable. That they take a part of you away. You've taken a part of me that leaves me unbalanced, off, even empty. I want nothing but to be with you always. You've changed me in a way not possible.
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[23 Sep 2006|10:42pm] |
You want it to happen.
exactly what u wished for
Then u realize, it was only a plane high in the sky
Passing by as your dreams slowly faded away.
You started becoming Vague
I couldnt grasp why it was I was crying over you
The indications were more than just your words
The bluntness of reality began to set in
Walking through the city
unfamiliar people rushing by
You contradict my feelings and thoughts
your as fake as their polyester suites
and their briefcases filled with lies
Whats the difference between a lie and a truth
It somehow seems to take on the grayest shade
False stiletto felt real in my heart
But I somehow take pleasure from pain?
Walking away hurts more, then staying and living a lie
Because I'd rather
hold onto something fake that makes me smile
Then drown myself in the tears of truth,
As I watch you slip away, further now
But a lie cant last forever,
And my dear, that planes about to land
So pack your things, and ill say goodbye
To the best thing I never had
So long, to the grayest shade of love you gave me
I somehow still felt like a pallet of colors,
Being painted into something abstract
That no one really could understand or grasp
But the lies, the truths, and the truths the lies,
entwined, to form that polyester love,
that I wished so much to be real
which was nothing more, then a plane passing by
And then I watched as my dreams faded away
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[23 Sep 2006|12:33am] |
Back to square one.
I must admit, our conversation last night made me cry -- not simply crying, but breaking down.
I thought the second time around things would be different.
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[21 Sep 2006|01:14am] |
So I sit here and ponder, “What a wonder it would be to have a crystal ball and to catch a glimpse of the future.” Would I live my life any differently knowing what is to come? Would I be disappointed in how I turned out, or would I work towards something better? Would I alter my course in life in spite of the future I saw and think I could affect the outcome? Wouldn’t my actions still simply result in the foreseen? These thoughts are so foreign to me.
The only times I have ever really thought about the path before me have been in dread or worry… or sometimes with a surrealistic sense of wonder, but never with enthusiasm. I live one foot ahead of the other. Never really wondering too much how different my present would have been had I made different choices along the road, and never really thinking too in-depth about where I am headed, so long as the journey is worthwhile.
But now I wonder how different my future could be, depending on choices I make now. Every possibility seems available now. I look forward and I am intrigued. I wonder how I will be in a year, and hope that you’ll be there with me. I look forward even further and still hope the same and more. I can steer my course for a change, instead of relying on the Universe to move me along. For a very long time, I have relied on that simple philosophy: the Universe has some Order to it, and all will turn out as it should be.
Now I have something I want very badly, and am willing to alter my path to keep it with me. So I ask myself, if I could see the future and found you were not there, would I change my whole philosophy in life and fight for a new future? My answer is readily a YES. What is this change in myself that would move me to such an extreme? I could not quit you even if I wanted, and I could never in a lifetime imagine I would want that. I love you so completely and deeply, that you have become part of me. Some days that scares me.
It scares me because now I fear. Above all, I fear loss. Again, I cannot see that future to even know that you or I will be breathing tomorrow, and that uncertainty chills me to my core. Would I still look into that crystal ball now? This unnamable fear chokes me and keeps me standing in place. This fear makes me want to hold onto you so very hard and never let you go out of my sight. The thought of a future without you blackens even the most beautiful of days. When we are together, these fears seem so silly and far from my mind, but as soon as we are apart, I am afraid.
I’m putting these fears down on ‘paper’ to claim them before they claim me. I want to tread my path again, unafraid, and embrace what the Universe puts ahead of me. Whether that means we walk this path together for eternity, or for a brief moment in time, I want to enjoy you, us and what we have made here between us.
So the question remains: would I look into that crystal ball, not knowing if what I saw was certain to be, and not knowing if I could affect what I saw, for good or ill? No, I wouldn’t look, because I have my hope. The hope that you would be happy, healthy and mine for a very long time. And these are hopes I would like to make the future at all costs. So maybe I have changed my philosophy after all… but what is it to be alive if we cannot grow?
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[13 Sep 2006|09:27pm] |
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Today I begin to understand what love must be, if it exists... When we are parted, we each feel the lack of the other half of ourselves. We are incomplete like a book in two volumes of which the first has been lost. That is what I imagine love to be: incompleteness in absence.
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[10 Sep 2006|12:52am] |
Rollas of an Angel! <3
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[04 Sep 2006|01:41pm] |
Honey why are you calling me so late
It's kinda hard to talk right now
Honey why are you crying is everything okay
I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud
Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And yes I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue
Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
(And I never wanna say goodbye)
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
Honey why are you calling me so late
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[03 Sep 2006|12:41am] |
You were good to me. So much so that I trusted you with everything: my worries, my fears, my joy--in the end I gave you my heart.
You told me so many things, about yourself, about how you felt about me. You told me I was the best thing that ever happened to you, that your heart was mine. You told me you loved me, and will love me always. You said you wanted to marry me and spend the rest of your life with me --- you said I complete you.
We were each other's destiny, fated to be together by a stroke of luck that led us to each other, when the chances of our meeting was practically zero. We were soul mates, you said. We complete each other.
You left me without a word one day. You disappeared, and I fell. You were the pain. You ripped out a part of me and left me with this gaping hole in the center of everything.
I was completely lost in the haze of pain, and you weren't there with me even when I looked for you hard enough for my eyeballs to drop out of their sockets. You left me alone to deal with what was left, to pick my way barefoot out of a house with floors filled by broken glass.
If you had loved me you wouldn't have lied. If you had loved me you would never have disappeared, you would never have walked away and left me to deal with my pain alone. You wouldn't have been the one to make me crawl through hell and shed tears that scalded my heart, you wouldn't have been the one to make me wish for death and yet revel in the pain I was feeling, because it was the only thing telling me I was still alive.
But I guess love does come with a price. I am more in-love now, than I have ever been.
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